CEDAR PARFRE
« Reviews »

Welcome Guest. Please Login or Register.
Dec 25, 2009, 5:16pm

[Home] [Help] [Search] [Login] [Register]



Snowstorm's Short Stories

CEDAR PARFRE :: Just For Members. :: Stories :: Thoughts of the Blue Falcon :: Reviews
   [Search This Thread][Reply] [Send Topic To Friend] [Print]
AuthorTopic: Reviews (Read 146 times)
Thunder Knight
Right Hand Graphic No Alliance
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

I Am Your Knight In Shining Armor.


[homepage]

Joined: Nov 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Fighting For Myself
Karma: 1
Reviews
« Thread Started on Jan 16, 2008, 7:18pm »		[Quote]
What did you think of my stories? Please put any constructive critism here. Please leave the name of the story you are reviewing, thank you.
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[MpB:http://www.moonraker.com.au/techni/lightning.jpg]
[image]
Mr. Decoroso
all powerfull owner
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

Take a walk with me. Take a walk with death.

[yim] [msn] [aim]

Joined: Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 663
Location: On my wonderful Quarter Horse
Karma: 6
Re: Reviews
« Reply #1 on Jan 16, 2008, 7:40pm »		[Quote]
well, i havent finished it yet, but so i dont forget. You changed from past to present tense, and you have sentance fragments.

Though, those are my too things too, is changeing from present to past tense and sentance fragments. Some fragments sound really good when you write them, and they sound really good even after you read them 100 times...
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[image]
Mr. Decoroso
all powerfull owner
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

Take a walk with me. Take a walk with death.

[yim] [msn] [aim]

Joined: Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 663
Location: On my wonderful Quarter Horse
Karma: 6
Re: Reviews
« Reply #2 on Jan 16, 2008, 7:44pm »		[Quote]
also

Quote:
I was able to get my voice to drop a whole active, maybe even two.

A whole active?
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[image]
Mr. Decoroso
all powerfull owner
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

Take a walk with me. Take a walk with death.

[yim] [msn] [aim]

Joined: Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 663
Location: On my wonderful Quarter Horse
Karma: 6
Re: Reviews
« Reply #3 on Jan 16, 2008, 7:47pm »		[Quote]
quite interesting though, hopeing to hear more, but i think your plot is starting to fall apart the further it goes on, and your sentances start getting less detailed, and it just falls apart as the end nears... though i am hoping to see more of your work.
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[image]
Thunder Knight
Right Hand Graphic No Alliance
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

I Am Your Knight In Shining Armor.


[homepage]

Joined: Nov 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Fighting For Myself
Karma: 1
Re: Reviews
« Reply #4 on Jan 16, 2008, 8:13pm »		[Quote]
Thank you, which story were you referring to? (I know The Bridle of Bucephalus is really bad, lol.))
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[MpB:http://www.moonraker.com.au/techni/lightning.jpg]
[image]
Mr. Decoroso
all powerfull owner
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

Take a walk with me. Take a walk with death.

[yim] [msn] [aim]

Joined: Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 663
Location: On my wonderful Quarter Horse
Karma: 6
Re: Reviews
« Reply #5 on Jan 16, 2008, 10:22pm »		[Quote]
oops, i thought i had said it, i was refering to the marble
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[image]
Thunder Knight
Right Hand Graphic No Alliance
*****
member is offline

[avatar]

I Am Your Knight In Shining Armor.


[homepage]

Joined: Nov 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Fighting For Myself
Karma: 1
Re: Reviews
« Reply #6 on Jan 17, 2008, 1:44am »		[Quote]
? As in Thunder (Working Title Oh, well, thx I'll keep that in mind.
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[MpB:http://www.moonraker.com.au/techni/lightning.jpg]
[image]
   [Search This Thread][Reply] [Send Topic To Friend] [Print]



- Here is a set of rules you must follow or risk the consequences.

-No spamming (posting more than four times in a row)

-No advertising. Links in names are appropriate, but we do not need you to say "CLICK MY NAME!" or "COOL SITE ON MY NAME!!" NO links are to be given upon the actual board, just in the "NAME!" Actually, don't put anything that has to do with your site.

- No Arguing

- Dont over kill the smiles, that is soooo anoying

-And last of all, nothing that breaks the site rules.

-I would like to stress this, this is NOT A DATING SITE... I don't want to see any idiots posting "Hey any cute guys on?"

----------------------------
Affiliates

Silmaril Knights Unbridled Phantoms Wild Equines Enigma Centaurs of Taro Alies Valley of Tribulation Equestrian Trials

--------------------------- ------------------------------------- --------------------------------- ------------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Click Here To Make This Board Ad-Free


This Board Hosted For FREE By ProBoards
Get Your Own Free Message Boards & Free Forums!